Hyperactivity has been prevalent in 12-year-old Toby Thom’s life ever since he was adopted at 11-months, yet when he was unable to settle down in school, he was officially diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.
One of the main pointers for ADHD is how the child acts in school, Toby’s mother, Mrs Tracey Thom, has been called in multiple times regarding her son.
When Toby, living in Preston, Lancashire with his family, started secondary school, he brought an army knife in.
“He’d brought it in to protect himself, he felt threatened, he’d heard about knife crime on the tv and news,
“I have to say, if you don’t want to watch it, don’t watch it because it will stay in your mind,” Mrs Thom said, realising how easily influenced her son can be.
Although the army knife was one of the most drastic things that has happened, every day is testing when you are the parents of a child with ADHD.
Toby also makes up stories, believed to be for attention, such as his Dad being an alcoholic and his Mum deliberately standing on him.
“Once I was trying to pick him up off the floor and accidentally stepped on his hand, the next thing I know I’m being called into school because he is adamant, I had ‘stamped’ on him on purpose,” Mrs Thom anxiously laughed.
Despite both stories being highly untrue, it is protocol to fill out forms over his accusations.
Mrs Thom expressed that even though her son can forget about something like this as soon as the moment passes, it is still irritating for herself and husband, Alister, as they have still had to go through that ordeal that Toby doesn’t realise.
Alongside school life, how the child acts at home is another indicator of ADHD.
Reflecting on when Toby was younger, Mrs Thom explained how the hyperactivity was less of a worry because all young boys want to be chaotic, he would attend ‘Play Therapy’, organised by Child Action North West, which is all about getting the children hyped up to express that side.
However, now he’s physically getting older with those around him, his emotional age is still only eight or nine years old; this paired with his growing anger issues and puberty are making it an increasingly tough time for the whole family.
“He’s generally a very happy boy but he can swap to angry within seconds, he’s almost 13 and it’s become more apparent the emotional side of his ADHD,” Mrs Thom commented.
Toby’s 16-year-old sister, Katie, is also seeing a psychiatrist alongside her younger brother in hopes they can mend their strained relationship.
At home with the two teenagers, their sibling rivalry is ‘over and above’ normal relationships, the parent of two revealed she even uses a money incentive chart to encourage them to be friends.
Mrs Thom couldn’t express how much they don’t get on, “When Katie started to be a teenager, [the irritation] became more pronounced- she makes [myself and Alister] feel like we’re completely held accountable.”
Throughout the years, Toby and his family have tried various medications and activities to try and calm the hyperactive side of his behaviour.
“Now he is in high school, he’s on a drug that lasts 24 hours so he is covered all day and it goes lighter in his sleep,” Mrs Thom clarified he takes ‘Elvanse’.
However, he is in the trial period for another drug as his sleep has become unsettled, this is a common side effect of ADHD.
Toby sees the paediatrician every six months to access his progress.
At first the paediatrician thought Toby may have either Oppositional Defiance Disorder, ODD, which is harder to treat as it has to be done through talking therapy, or Attachment Disorder which it is known for adopted children to have.
Toby has funding through his adoption to see a psychiatrist for his possible ODD, but Attachment Disorder has been dismissed for now.
“He relies on me to calm him down, sometimes he’ll take something of mine like a pair of gloves into school, so he feels like he has me there,” Mrs Thom said mentioning there is clearly separation anxiety between Toby and his Mum.
Mrs Thom believes her six- week course with ADHD North West was essential to really understanding Toby, for example, the family have had some issues with Toby saying he is suicidal.
“When he says he wants to kill himself, he just means he’s really upset, he just can’t articulate the emotion,” Mrs Thom explained reassuringly.
Regarding his future, Toby’s mum and sole carer explained it is a constant worry.
“I can’t really think of the future, it’s always in the back of my mind but it’s overwhelming, there’s so much going on now- I choose to focus on that,” she vocalised.
Mrs Thom thinks it will be a ‘miracle’ if Toby gets his Maths and English GCSEs, but she is confident in how hands-on, practical and problem-solving Toby is and hopes it leads him to an engaging apprenticeship.
According to ‘AHDH Coaching’, 60% of people who have childhood ADHD carry it into their adult lives, whether they choose to stop medication or not.
Mrs Thom fears Toby’s temper might lead to confrontations with employers or in the worst-case scenario, his impulsiveness gets misunderstood and puts him in prison.
A 2017 Gov survey showed that there is anywhere between 9-13% of White British men diagnosed with ADHD.
All of these anxieties take their toll on Mrs Thom.
“Nobody cares for the carers,” She said, implying how much it can affect her mental health.
Mrs Thom left her job in a prison when Toby started school, timed well with her husband’s job promotion it enabled her to care for her son around the clock.
There is a lot of preparation in organising time for herself, husband and friends; groups like Therapeutic Parents provide advice to make sure parents feel as supported as possible.
Despite some trials and tribulations that come along with having a child with ADHD, they should never be underestimated.
People who are diagnosed with ADHD are often praised for their resourcefulness, enthusiasm, creativity and intuitive thinking.
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